Dear Annie: My family lives in a close-knit neighborhood. I’m good friends with two women in particular, “Leslie” and “Tara.” Leslie’s daughter “Ashley” and my son “Ben,” both in sixth grade, have been best friends since first grade. They love to play outside together on nice days. Our friend Tara’s son, “Lyle,” is in kindergarten and also loves to play outside with the “big kids.”

The issue is, Ashley and Ben are much older and are afforded a lot more freedom to roam around the neighborhood than Lyle is. Leslie and I trust that they know their boundaries and our expectations of them. Tara continually lets Lyle play outside without supervision despite the fact that he often leaves his yard without permission to see if Ben and Ashley can play and lies about it when he does this. He is also bossy and throws fits when the older kids don’t do exactly what he wants them to. Ben and Ashley often feel responsible for Lyle’s safety and entertainment when they really just want to hang out with each other, not babysit.

I have explained to Ben that, while it’s kind to include Lyle occasionally, it is not his nor Ashley’s responsibility to do so every time they want to play together. These kids are at very different life stages and shouldn’t be expected to entertain a kindergartener every time they want to get together. It has gotten to the point that Lyle is knocking on our doors multiple times a week when the older kids have homework to do.

How do I kindly explain to Tara that sometimes Ben and Ashley just want to be able to do their big kid stuff without the responsibility of entertaining and looking after a little one? We are very good friends, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But Ashley and Ben are getting frustrated, and as spring approaches, Leslie and I are afraid the problem will only get worse. — Big Kids Need a Break

Dear Big Kids: You’re absolutely right. Ashley and Ben, though older, are just kids, too; it’s important for them to be able to spend time together without the added expectations and responsibility that Lyle poses.

The next time you and Leslie speak to Tara, try something like, “Lyle is such a sweet kid, and I know Ben and Ashley like him, too. But sometimes, they need some space to hang out and do things for kids their own age. Let’s plan a specific playdate soon for all three kids to get together.” This way, you’re making it clear that while inclusion is nice and can be planned for, it will not be constant or expected.

You and Leslie should also extend boundaries to Lyle. If he knocks on the door looking to play at a bad time, it’s more than OK to let him know your kids can’t swing it that day. All this may be hard for Tara to hear at first, but reassure her it’s nothing personal. At the end of the day, you have to listen to and honor (SET ITAL) your (END ITAL) children, allowing them to be kids while they’re still kids, too.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.