Dear Annie: I’m at a crossroads in my marriage, and I don’t know what to do. My husband and I barely talk anymore unless it’s about the kids or logistics. There’s no connection, no affection — just a quiet tension that lingers in the background of everything. We’ve tried counseling, and while it helped us communicate better for a while, nothing has really changed.

I’ve thought about divorce more times than I can count, but every time I get close to making a decision, I freeze — because our children are so young. They’re just 3 and 5 years old. They still crawl into our bed in the middle of the night, ask us to read bedtime stories together and light up when we’re all in the same room. I don’t want to take that away from them. I don’t want to split their lives in two.

At the same time, I worry about what staying in an unhappy marriage is teaching them. They’re too young to understand everything, but they can feel the tension. I see it in their faces when we argue. I wonder: Is it better to stay in a home where love is missing or to create two separate homes filled with peace and honesty? I’m scared of making the wrong choice — for them and for myself. How do I know if I’m staying for the right reasons or simply out of fear? — Uncertain About What To Do

Dear Uncertain: Your letter speaks to something so many parents silently wrestle with: the fear of breaking up a home, even when the foundation is already cracked. I hear the love you have for your children, and I hear the pain you’re carrying. Let’s start with this: You are not selfish or broken for questioning your marriage. You are human, and you are trying to make the best decision you can with a heart full of love and a mind full of worry.

Staying together only for the children may feel noble, but it can also be damaging — especially if your home becomes a place filled with silence, resentment or emotional distance. Kids may not understand adult relationships, but they are incredibly intuitive. They notice when something’s off. They absorb tension like sponges. And over time, they learn to see your dynamic as “normal.” That said, divorce is not a magic fix. It brings its own challenges and heartbreak. But in many cases, two calm, loving homes are better than one filled with quiet sadness. You’ve already taken some strong first steps — counseling, self-reflection and thoughtful consideration of your children’s well-being. You might consider a temporary separation or therapeutic support focused specifically on co-parenting and clarity. This doesn’t have to be a rushed decision. Give yourself permission to pause, not just stay stuck. The right choice is the one where your children are raised in love, and where you aren’t disappearing in the process.

Whatever you choose, know this: You are a good mother. And your children will thrive with your love and honesty — no matter what path you take.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.