Dear Annie: My partner’s mother constantly demands attention, and everything revolves around her. Whenever we’re busy or focused on other things, she lashes out — often hurting those around her, including her grandchildren. She plays favorites, manipulates situations to her advantage and pulls the extended family into her drama. If anyone refuses to engage, they become a target, too.

I’ve tried addressing this directly. Despite multiple attempts to keep the peace, she’s tried to bribe her son to leave me and has used our children as leverage in manipulative ways. She’s crossed the line repeatedly, with no regard for anyone but herself.

At this point, our kids avoid her; they don’t want to call or visit. Still, she plays the victim and refuses to acknowledge the pain she’s caused. After years of trying, I finally drew the line and only speak to her about the kids. When my partner stood up to her, too, she went silent again, cutting all of us off.

Now she’s back at it. I offered to talk face-to-face, but she continues the same toxic cycle. I’m doing my best to protect my family, especially our children, but I also don’t want to completely shut her out. The situation feels hopeless; she takes no responsibility, and the kids want nothing to do with her. What would you do if someone you loved kept hurting your children emotionally yet refused to change or even acknowledge the damage? — Lost on How To Move Forward

Dear Lost: It sounds like your mother-in-law is struggling with a deep need for control and connection — but unfortunately, she’s expressing it in ways that hurt the people around her, including your children. That’s painful, and I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this for so long.

You’ve tried — more than once — to reach out, set boundaries and keep the door open. But when someone refuses to take responsibility for the harm they cause, it becomes necessary to protect your family’s well-being. That doesn’t mean cutting her out completely, but it does mean making peace with the fact that you can’t change her.

Continue to lead with kindness, but stay firm in your boundaries. If she’s ever ready to approach the relationship with empathy, then there’s room for healing. Until then, your job is to protect your children’s peace — and your own.

Dear Annie: I’m stuck in the middle of some serious family tension. My cousin constantly makes little digs about my sister-in-law and my brother behind their backs. For example, she’ll say things like, “Wow, your sister-in-law really knows how to spend money, doesn’t she?” — with a smirk, like she’s trying to be funny, but it’s clearly meant to cut. Then she’ll press me for details about their lives — what they’re doing, what they’ve said, how they spend their time.

I never know how to respond. I don’t want to betray my brother’s trust, but I also don’t want to create drama with my cousin. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, and someone’s going to get hurt no matter what I do.

How do I stay out of the middle without turning this into a bigger mess? – –Torn and Tired

Dear Torn: You’re in a tough spot — but not a unique one. Many people find themselves caught between loyalty and gossip, especially when family is involved. Let’s be clear: Your cousin isn’t just “joking” when she makes snide remarks about your sister-in-law. That kind of passive-aggressive behavior is a way of stirring the pot without taking responsibility for it. And by asking you to spill personal details, she’s dragging you into something you want no part of. Here’s what you do: stop playing along. The next time she makes a comment, gently say, “I’d rather not talk about them when they’re not here.” If she keeps pushing, change the subject. You don’t need to confront her with fireworks — but you also don’t need to be her sounding board or informant.

You can’t control your cousin’s behavior, but you can control your role in it. Protect your peace and remember: Silence is sometimes the strongest boundary of all.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to