Dealing with fears head on

Author Rhonda Britten shares tips for better living

By LAYLA ASLANI, DMG Writer

HANCOCK - Fear's purpose is to keep one safe, but often it can stop a person from making positive changes in their lives.

Hancock native, bestselling author and television life coach Rhonda Britten shared this message and exercises that can lead to a fearless life at a seminar Wednesday evening at the Ramada Inn. More than 80 people attended the event for many reasons that included improving their relationships, career, health and happiness.

Britten said in order to overcome fear, people need to learn to differentiate their voice and that of fear. She said the voice of fear is desperate and has a hint of "you better or else" and "who do you think you are?"

"Fear wants to keep you safe," she said. "If you give it an inch, it wants a mile."

Britten said people should analyze their reasons for not doing something by asking, "are you making it up or is it a fact?" For example, she said her sister doesn't want to take a new job because it requires using a "confusing" Blackberry phone. In reality, her sister could learn to use the phone.

Britten said people often use "I can't do that," as an excuse.

"If you said 'I can't do that,' where did you get that evidence?" she said, noting people should not use evidence of the past to make a decision in the present because they may have changed.

Britten also shared an exercise for analyzing risks.

"What you're doing is you're giving yourself the information you need to make that decision," she said.

She said people should draw a bulls-eye and label the center as their comfort zone, or their current life. The next ring is the stretch zone which are actions a person knows they can do, for example walking around the block each night for exercise, but haven't done. The third zone is the risk zone, or the tasks people are not sure if they could do. The last zone is outside the bulls-eye and is known as the die zone, or activities to which people say, "there's no way I'm doing that." She said people should list actions in each category.

People should also write down "today I acknowledge myself for..." and follow it with each stretch, risk or die move they make. The actions do not have to be major or successful, what is important is that people try, she said. This can help people get more in touch with their emotions.

"Usually what we do is we take actions based on feelings we don't even know we have," she said.

She also told the audience they can improve their lives by being true to themselves. She said people should do an exercise where they write down every hour on the hour what they are doing at the moment and rate it on how true it is for them on a scale of one to 10. For example, if a person writes they took a shower but they really prefer baths, they are not being as true to themselves as they can.

Although this may sound like a minor detail, Britten said it is important to notice.

"It's not the big things that erode our self esteem, it's the little things," she said.

Using her own life as an example, Britten said she started living her life more true to herself and opportunities, such as a television show in London, presented themselves.

"If you start being more true to yourself, things will start showing up," she said.

Britten also spoke about asking for help or support during difficult times.

"How often do you ask for it when you need it and how often do you give it to yourself?" she asked. "Asking for help is tough, I know, but it is a necessary skill for self-esteem."

She said there is often the false notion that people should "just get over it" with time.

"I know for me when my parents died, the hardest thing for me ... were the years later," she said.

She said people should build a support network for themselves of friends and family.

"I believe that you have to have a support network of three-to-five people so if somebody is busy, you can go to somebody else," she said.

After the presentation, people said they enjoyed it.

"I thought it was very helpful, very encouraging," said Julie Carlson of Mohawk. "I'm glad that I came, it was well worth the two hours and $20."

Mandy Markham of Houghton had similar thoughts.

"I think that she was an amazing speaker and that she made a difference for a lot of people, including myself," she said.

For more information about Britten, visit fearlessliving.org.

Layla Aslani can be reached at laslani@mininggazette.com.