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The Chemical Engineers
February 8, 2012 - Michael Bleach
For all the cross promotional fans of ESPN/Grantland’s Bill Simmons and Michigan Tech basketball who no longer live in the area and thus have not made it to a Huskies game this year*, you are probably wondering, just who is ”The Chemist” for the men’s and women’s squad this season?
*There is probably one, right? Just humor me.
For those who don’t have the time to plow through 6,000 word columns that blur the line between narcissism and self deprecation, The Chemist is the term Simmons and Grantland contributor Rembert Browne developed to describe the guy/girl who doles out personalized high-fives, hugs and chest bumps each game as the starting lineup is being announced. The Chemist duties also included passionate towel waving, head rubbing and butt slapping during timeouts. In short, the 4th most important person on the entire team.
After days of diligent reporting, I am happy to announce the roles this season have been filled by senior guard Matt Gaedke and sophomore forward Kate Glodowski.
Gaedke has taken to the role with particular aplomb, donning knee-high socks and a classic chin-strap beard to complete the Chemist Costume*. The highlights of his pregame routine include at least one high-five series of six handslaps or more (A.J. Brown) and the classic “Wait, Alex Culy just walked by him and nothing happened, are they feuding? ... OH IT WAS ALL AN ACT, they are chest bumping after all. Whew,” performance.
*Chemist Costume apparel includes but is not limited to headbands, excessive use of armwear, mismatched warmups and facial hair. Facial hair is a must.
Glodowski, while enthusiastic for the role, has not shown the veteran’s touch of Gaedke quite yet. Her repertoire is currently limited to double high-fives and a soft chest bump. View From the Bleachers would humbly recommend dropping the headband to around the neck pre-game stylewise, and an overdramatized up-high, down-low with Lindsey Lindstrom to spice it up.
Rest assured Huskie fans, we will bring you more on this story as it develops.
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